When there has been something that one has done in life that was retroactively considered to be harmful to others or to life, often, a sense of shame, guilt, and self-accusation travel with one’s sense of identity for a very long time, sometimes for lifetimes. Sometimes what has to happen is not an action that one can take that’s corrective, but a vibrational shift that’s needed to wipe out the karmic residues of what you may be carrying from the past.
Many people have an easier time forgiving others than forgiving themselves. This is true of people in general, but it’s even more true of those who have a spiritual dedication. Their principles might tell them that forgiveness of self is essential, but the feeling of having done something wrong often lasts for a very long time because one’s inner sense of an ideal of purity, of what ‘should be,’ is very strong.