Human relationships, in order to achieve the goal of unremitting kindness and an absence of blame, must move to the soul-level of expression. They must get past the ego layers of thought and feeling in which one feels hurt by another and wants to either withdraw or ‘pay someone back’ through blame.
For as long as human beings have sought intimacy with each other on an emotional level and have dealt with unhealed portions of their own psyches, the problem has existed about how to be loving and truthful at the same time with a beloved, so that relationships could continue to flourish and move to a higher level of compatability and love.
To many, being truthful and being loving have stood almost as opposites. The total truth has, in many instances, seemed too harsh to utter, and for the sake of love, has often been hidden or concealed, lest it become too abrasive or harsh and disrupt the relationship entirely. The disappearance of truth in ‘the service’ of love is a common tendency within human relationships, and the fear of loss, or simply the confusion about the exact nature of truth has prevented many relationships from entering a higher state of possibility.
Truth and love are not opposites. They are friends. And this friendship needs to manifest in order that a relationship become what it is meant to be. Truth must wrap itself in love and support it so that a beloved does not feel diminished by it, but rather upheld by it. Love must be grounded in truth and not in illusion or fantasy, lest it become shallow and unresponsive to the actual feelings or needs of another.
How is it possible, then, to express truth wrapped in love?
It is possible in the presence of incomplete awareness to place love first and to wait for clarity to come. It is possible to know what ‘not’ to do even if one does not know what ‘to do.’
This is a task for the deeper self that has a sense of the possibilities of another and not just their lacks. Describing what someone is lacking can cause someone to feel smaller, less capable of making changes, more ashamed of their shortcomings, more likely to move toward self-criticism and then to feel anger or resentment. Describing what someone is capable of, creates a sense of hope, and of confidence or trust in themselves and in new possibilities.
We do not always know what is possible for another in the face of what feels like it is lacking, and that is why love and truth have a difficult time becoming friends. Our hurts and our sense of being wrongly treated are often much stronger than our belief in the possibility of goodness in another. This identification of someone with what they are lacking becomes what we see and feel and what we know to describe, and we often do not know, with similar certainty, who the other is in their possibility and in their soul.
What can be done in this situation?
It is possible in the presence of incomplete awareness to place love first and to wait for clarity to come. It is possible to know what ‘not’ to do even if one does not know what ‘to do.’ And yet, there are certain relationships in which love requires one to point out lacks to another. There are also relationships in which the feeling of hurt is so great that one does not know how to find kindness or the desire for clarity.
Human relationships, in order to achieve the goal of unremitting kindness and an absence of blame must move to the soul-level of expression. They must get past the ego layers of thought and feeling in which one feels hurt by another and wants to either withdraw or ‘pay someone back’ through blame. This movement toward the soul’s love for others is what will set humanity free to love with a love that is truthful, without it diminishing another or diminishing the self. It is the movement of awareness that will allow humanity to know that we are created in love, fashioned by love, and that love is the primary nature and expression of our soul. Learning to anchor in the soul level of our being will allow us to make this transition to a new definition of the relationship between love and truth, one that enhances all relationships and brings to them peace, harmony, kindness, and love.